We are the kids who never made it.

“Here’s to the kids. The kids who would rather spend their night with a bottle of coke & Patrick or Sonny playing on their headphones than go to some vomit-stained high school party. Here’s to the kids whose 11:11 wish was wasted on one person who will never be there for them. Here’s to the kids whose idea of a good night is sitting on the hood of a car, watching the stars. Here’s to the kids who never were too good at life, but still were wicked cool. Here’s to the kids who listened to Fall Out Boy and Hawthorne Heights before they were on MTV… and blame MTV for ruining their life. Here’s to the kids who care more about the music than the haircuts. Here’s to the kids who have crushes on a stupid lush.Here’s to the kids who hum “A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More Touch Me” when they’re stuck home, dateless, on a Saturday night. Here’s to the kids who have ever had a broken heart from someone who didn’t even know they existed. Here’s to the kids who have read The Perks of Being a Wallflower & didn’t feel so alone after doing so. Here’s to the kids who spend their days in photobooths with their best friend(s). Here’s to the kids who are straight up smartasses & just don’t care. Here’s to the kids who speak their mind. Here’s to the kids who consider screamo their lullaby for going to sleep. Here’s to the kids who second guess themselves on everything they do. Here’s to the kids who will never have 100 percent confidence in anything they do, and to the kids who are okay with that. Here’s to the kids. This one’s not for the kids who always get what they want, but for the ones who never had it at all. It’s not for the ones who never got caught, but for the ones who always try and fall. This one’s for the kids who didn’t make it, We were the kids who never made it. The Overcast girls and the Underdog Boys. Not for the kids who had all their joys. This one’s for the kids who never faked it. We’re the kids who didn’t make it. They say breaking hearts is what we do best, and we’ll make your heart be ripped of your chest. The only heart that I broke was mine, when I got my hopes up too too high.
We were the kids who didn’t make it. We are the kids who never made it.”

-Pete

If you read and understood every single line, I love you.

There goes my hero, watch him as he goes.

have your thoughts or lips ever stumbled over words you cant even grab a hold of and try to formulate into a small paragraph to describe how you are feeling? actions come to mind and go like the expiration date on news, but words remain absent on sick leave. maybe you are just actually rendered speechless or too shocked to regurgitate anything you already said before on a new situation. the universe must have meant for this 13th to have landed on a friday but in the salt and pepper shaker way the world has of flipping you upside down and surprising you with the outcome (either the perfect amount of seasoning or making life unstomachable), it ended up a tuesday. weirdbeard. tell me a story about a day that went well recently, i havent had any of my own that werent monsters dressing up as candy for halloween. swallowed every one of them and still kept that empty feeling in my stomach, wondering why i never felt satisfied. the wasted weeks and months find a way to flash by blinded eyes, until all thats left behind is dust that has settled around the shape where every important thing used to be. that is about where i am right now. this day has been pretty overwhelming for me, and eye opening too. with blood thirsty thoughts of redemption that buzz like mosquitos on a july summer night, i am battling the simple war morals and ethics- both of which from a market nobody invests in anymore thats about to crash. still i overcompensate and buy in with wide eyes and a heavy heart, as if trying to make up for the stock you sold. its fun to think that at one point we are all good people that either go bad or go to waste. there is no in between. you either are or you aren’t. “id like attention” misheard as or misunderstood for “id like a tension”. drop the bomb on dropping the thoughts that tie down insecurities that want set off to sea yet remain docked at bay. keep them under your palm like an enemy you wouldn’t even lay next to for warmth during a blizzard. save them for a (b)rainy day, let them out to rip apart stupidity in the form of the words “i still want” followed by anything like hungry pit bulls starved for flesh. i think you can relate to that, but mostly the starved for flesh part. nasty boys. sitting out on the cold balcony it all makes sense. so many things i overlooked, like how you add up your self worth anywhere from how many wrinkles from the last body are still in the sheets, to how much longer it takes to replace them with new ones from someone else. be a politician, lie and sneak your way to the top of something that matters, not a random body. your identity kept secret, the only way to stay out of the spotlight is to hide in the dark. im done under covers, and glad i never got caught between yours. recycling your paper hearts and saving your waters by not showering often, this is coming someone that is tired of going to waste and watching the world close around him get wasted (both with beer and with promises), xo pete.

There’s no other way to say this.

I feel alone.

I knew this for quite some time but it was only today, this evening, that a sudden onset of loneliness hit me. Hard. Like a wave to the shore, only tenfold.

I need a friend right this second. I’ve had quite enough of these fair-weathered ones. I need someone who can be here for me 24/7. Where can I get one?

If you’re reading this and have nothing to say, gtfo. I have nothing more to say to you either.

100 things to do before I die.

1. Adopt an animal.
2. Be a bridesmaid.
3. Be a Free Hugs person.
4. Be my own boss.
5. Bungee jump.
6. Camp on a beach.
7. Carve something into a tree.
8. Catch a snowflake.
9. Change someone’s life.
10. Collect enough postcards to fill a wall.
11. Collect enough posters to fill another wall.
12. Cook a meal on my own.
13. Crowd-surf in a concert.
14. Dance in the moonlight.
15. Disrespect an authority figure.
16. Do something nice for 10 strangers. [0/10]
17. Do 5 things out of my comfort zone. [0/5]
18. Donate blood.
19. Dress up for Halloween.
20. Drink 3 cans of beer without passing out.
21. Dye my hair an NSFW colour.
22. Exit a room dramatically.
23. Explore Singapore.
24. Fall in love with someone ridiculously amazing.
25. Find a Things We Forget post-it.
26. Find someone who loves Fall Out Boy as much as I do.
27. Get a tattoo.
28. Get all four members of FOB’s autograph. [0/4]
29. Get perfect vision.
30. Get praised for my writing from someone I don’t know.
31. Get snakebites.
32. Give someone a surprise.
33. Go club-hopping.
34. Go fishing.
35. Go on a legit picnic, with grass and a mat and a picnic basket.
36. Go on a shopping spree.
37. Go on a holiday with my friends.
38. Go to a big music festival.
39. Go to a gig of a band I don’t know.
40. Go to Disneyland. Any Disneyland, I’m not picky.
41. Go to the Botanical Gardens.
42. Go up an actual tree house.
43. Have a conversation with a stranger.
44. Have every Fall Out Boy album. [2/6]
45. Have fairy lights in my room.
46. Have freedom to do what I want.
47. Have my own camera.
48. Have perfect teeth.
49. Jump into a pile of autumn leaves.
50. Kill a cockroach.
51. Kiss in the rain.
52. Know all the different types of coffee.
53. Learn to paint.
54. Learn to play the guitar.
55. Learn to speak Malay.
56. Live on my own/with friends.
57. Live somewhere else besides Singapore.
58. Lose 10 kg. [0/10]
59. Love something/someone unconditionally.
60. Make a mixtape and give it to someone special.
61. Make a time capsule for myself in 5 years’ time.
62. Make a wish on a shooting star.
63. Make my own clothes.
64. Make someone happy.
65. Make 5 new friends. [0/5]
66. Meet Pete Wentz.
67. Organise an event.
68. Own a cat named Fish.
69. Own 50 albums. [13/50]
70. Pretend to be a tourist for a day.
71. Punch someone.
72. Read a Jodi Picoult book.
73. Read the Bible.
74. Read the Harry Potter books. [0/7]
75. Ride a Vespa.
76. See Fall Out Boy again.
77. See Paramore.
78. Sing in the rain.
79. Speak properly.
80. Stand up for myself.
81. Support a worthy cause.
82. Swim in a pond/lake/waterfall.
83. Take up photography.
84. Try shisha.
85. Visit Chicago.
86. Visit London.
87. Visit New York.
88. Visit Paris.
89. Watch a Broadway musical.
90. Watch every single episode of Avatar, preferably in order.
91. Watch the sun rise.
92. Watch the sun set.
93. Wear a tee shirt with my own design.
94. Wear something different.
95. Work as a barista.
96. Work as a waitress.
97. Work on an art project.
98. Write a love letter.
99. Write a story.
100. Write 10 letters to strangers. [0/10]

I’ll try to blog everything. Wish me luck!

They’ll name a city after us.

It was 12.06am when I wrote this.

I am hiding out in my room, typing this out even when I’ve already lost internet connection. The giant pop-out Garfield poster on my wall is flapping annoyingly on its nail with every turn my fan makes. Sean Kingston is on the radio. I’m typing as I go and wondering how long till I lose the passion to write again.

Yesterday, I was on my way home, at the Jurong East station waiting for my train. My phone’s music player was on shuffle and I was continuously pressing the Next button. I didn’t really have a song I wanted to listen to. I guess I drifted off to some level of daydream, because in one instance my eyes were staring at the “_ minutes” screen, and in the next they were locked with someone else’s.

He was skinny. He wore black rimmed glasses. He had dyed brown hair. He was fair, for a malay boy. He didn’t have a traditionally good looking face. But his eyes. I could honestly stare at them forever, if I didn’t realise how potentially awkward the situation was. It was silly. The train ride that followed was full of sneaking glances and dodging looks.

For every person that has written about affinity, many more have silently experienced it. It’s a flurry of feelings. Like a giggly little girl. Silly and childishly hopeful. For that few minutes, you feel like nothing else matters because a stranger walked into your life just like magic. For that short precious moment, you feel like everything is okay. Your troubles are replaced by the idea that someone is looking at you. You fake a nap on the train, deliberate your actions, focus on your phone or your mp3 player just a little too long. And as you hear the call for your station, you get down from your cloud. You realise that you won’t ever see that person again, so you forgo just one more glance.

And just as abruptly as it began, it ended.

Listen to: Us – Regina Spektor

Yes that listen to section is so Alex Evans. So what. That wasn’t a question. Bite me.